Putting Your Spouse First

I’m the kind of guy who likes to do research. Whenever I’m about to buy something, I read as many reviews as I can find, painstakingly pick one out, then read the manual from cover to cover before the item even gets to my door. This thinking permeates all areas of my life too so in preparation for marriage, I’ve read When Sinners Say I DoThe Meaning of Marriage, What Did You Expect, and various blogs as well as talking to everyone in the church I’ve seen to have a good marriage. I’ve been doing my research! Yet one thing I’ve already learned in my 24 years of life is that until this intellectual knowledge becomes practical knowledge that I’m living out, I know nothing! One of my best friends from high school got married in May of last year and as we have been talking through the course of his first year of marriage of just how difficult marriage is. That doesn’t mean it’s bad, quite the opposite in fact! The difficulties come from two sinful people coming together in an attempt to mirror the perfect relationship God has with us.

So in my studying and research on this matter I came across this blog today. What an accurate picture of what marriages today need!

My parents were intentional that having kids wasn’t going to stop them from doing the things they did before they had kids. Their object was to bring the kids into their marriage, not allow the kids to drown their marriage in a sea of tasks for the children. For this reason, our kid activities were pretty limited.

Whoa! How many parents actually do that today? And would doing this decrease the incredibly high divorce rate in America today? I think it would! As I’ve been talking to people who have been married for 20-30-40 years they have had this mindset, or else they wake up to it sometime in their marriage. Lewis B. Smeades in an article on Christianity Today way back in 1983 said:

My wife has lived with at least five different men since we were wed—and each of the five has been me. The connecting link with my old self has always been the memory of the name I took on back there: “I am he who will be there with you.” When we slough off that name, lose thatidentity, we can hardly find ourselves again. And the bonds that connect us to others will be frayed to breaking.

As we go through life our main focus should be, in this order: God, our spouse, our children and then anything else. I know it’s one thing for my to write about this on this side of marriage, but it’s a reminder I need to begin telling myself before I get married to carry in to my marriage. Through God’s grace, I will keep Him first, and then make my spouse my priority as we do our best to live out the Gospel in our lives.

Resisting Being “Cutting Edge”

My dad sends me articles quite regularly, and one of the most recent ones was titled ‘Resisting the Urge to Do Cutting Edge Youth Ministry.’ It was a helpful article, and I read another one today called ‘Top 10 Reasons our Kids Leave Church‘ that I’ll interact with later this week.

I don’t think the ultimate goal of and youth pastor on pastor in general should be to be cutting edge and always staying relevant, but does having a faithful ministry and being cutting edge have to be mutually exclusive? I replied to my dad saying: “I agree – but then what does that look like practically? He says “I describe our strategy with a few participles: loving, teaching, proclaiming, worshiping, and praying.”

My follow up question is: how? I don’t think being “cutting edge” and following his “few participles” are mutually exclusive, you can still do things well and things that will reach a broad demographic and maybe even be cutting edge without sacrificing what God has called us to.”

I know within Christianity there is a tendency to run from one end of a spectrum to the other. For example, within the Evangelical Free Church, we were founded within the charismatic movement which is characterized by very emotive responses to pretty much everything and strongly encourages the use of all the gifts of the spirit talked about in the New Testament (tongues, prophecy, laying hands on, etc). Yet my experience with much of the EFCA today is a divorce from emotional and intellectual knowledge. These two things can’t be mutually exclusive, we need the intellectual knowledge, but it should lead to an emotional response of gratefulness.

So within the church today, I think our main focus needs to be on being faithful to the Gospel, but then practically we’re going to live that out in different ways depending on where we are in life, where we live, what we do and a host of other things. As of right now I am a 24 year old serving in a church with another pastor in his mid 30s and another pastor in his late 50s. We all talk differently, have different passions and different gifts. This doesn’t mean any of us is better or worse than the other, but together we can reach a much broader demographic than if we were trying to do ministry on our own. That doesn’t necessarily mean we’re cutting edge, I’d say far from it, but we do try our best to do everything we do to the best of our ability and to the glory of God.

EFCA Theology Conference 2013

The audio and power points from this years EFCA Theology Conference: Sex Matters are now available online. If my notes from it weren’t good enough, you can listen to the conference in it’s entirety here. I hope it’s helpful!

Lenten Reflections

Lent is something I’ve often heard of as I was growing up, but never really took a look at what it was or where it came from. Generally I just heard friends in high school who would give up things during Lent season, but didn’t have any idea that it was anything beyond that. Thanks to a recent post on the Gospel Coalition website, I learned a little more about what it is.

Lent (from the Latin for “fortieth”) begins on Ash Wednesday, 40 days before Easter. In a devotional guide to Lent, Kendal Haug and Will Walker say “Lent, therefore, is about living out of our union with, and identity in, Christ. Lent is first and foremost about the gospel making its way deeper into our lives.” What a great thing to celebrate and practice! Letting the Good News of the Gospel make its way deeper into our lives!

You can access this devotional guide through the Gospel Coalition blog or clicking here. I plan to go through these devotionals myself as I prepare for the celebration of the best news on earth: Jesus Christ dies for my sins, was buried, and on the third day he rose again, and now sits at the right hand of God, interceding on our behalf!

Westboro Baptist Church: A Story of Redemption

A big topic in the news this past week is that 2 members of the picketing, gay hating Westboro Baptist Church have left the church and are trying to figure out how to live life apart from the church now. You can read the story here.

One thing stands out to me from this story. Megan is quoted as saying, “I don’t know what I believe, so I don’t know what to say.” This seems to me to be a a trend: those who are in a very strict upbringing are exposed to the world and have no base to stand on so they end up believing nothing and questioning the validity of everything. This it the wrong reaction to have, but I understand and sympathize with those who have such extreme views.

The encouraging thing is that it sounds like both Megan and her sister Grace are checking out some different churches and doing as much research as they can. It really shows that God has no bounds and can reach and redeem those who we seem to think are too far removed from grace. I hope and pray that Megan, Grace and the rest of the Westboro church learn about this God who extends grace to even the worst of sinners. Until one is willing to admit that they are just as in need of God’s grace as the worst of sinners, they won’t be able to extend the same grace to the world around them. I’m thankful for a God who extends grace to my on a daily, hourly, minutely, and socondly basis.

The Writer – Ellie Goulding

I have quite an extensive musical library ranging from top-40 to classical, from Christian to pagan and everything in between. I’m continually looking for new artists who are incredibly gifted and are enjoyable to listen to. One of the people who got really big this past year was Ellie Goulding with the song ‘Lights‘ it was a very interesting song with interesting rhythms and I still can’t really figure out what the songs about. I bought her CD based on that one song (in one of Amazon’s deals) and stumbled across the song ‘The Writer‘ The chorus of the song really struck me:

Why don’t you be the artist, and make me out of clay?

Why don’t you be the writer, and decide the words I say?

‘Cause I’d rather pretend I’ll still be there at the end

Only it’s too hard to ask, won’t you try to help me?

I don’t know if Ellie is a believer or not, and looking at the verses of the song, it ends up being about a relationship with a guy. But I couldn’t help but see how it points right to God, the great artist who created the whole world. In Jeremiah 18, we see God describing to Jeremiah his relationship to his people, who are clay. Whether Ellie is a Christian or not, I am grateful for the reminder today that God is the potter, and I am the clay. Who am I to question him or complain that I am the wrong shape?

EFCA Theology Conference – My Thoughts

Last week I had the opportunity to attend the EFCA Theology Conference in Denver and was really stretched and encouraged in my thinking on the issue of sexuality. The most powerful session for me was Wesley Hill on his struggle with homosexuality. Never before had I talked to someone who struggles with same sex attraction, yet is willing to submit it at the foot of the cross and call it sin. We live in a broken side world, as evidenced by looking around us. All of us are sinners and have our certain areas where we are more prone to temptation than others, I think it’s safe to admit that for most of us, sexuality is a very hard issue, especially being a single man as I am right now. But what should we, as the church, do to reach out to single people like Wesley and myself?

I’ve talked about this very important issue before (“Where Are All the Young People“) and was reminded of it again this week. The church is called to be a family (see Jesus in Matthew 12), yet so often we don’t treat each other as the family we are supposed to be. As someone who is single, I can so often get overlooked in the ministry of the church, and most churches I’ve been to have a fantastic youth group ministry, a thriving couples-with-small-children ministry and some even have a great college ministry, but what about the single 20-somethings who are trying to figure out how to figure out a schedule, budget, and where best to use their time? We need the encouragement and support of those in the church, and those in the church are primarily those who are older and married. So again, PLEASE just come talk to us, invite us over and invest in our lives! I promise you again that we won’t bite!

Tied in to this is the issue of homosexuality. As it becomes more prevalent, we in the church need to know how to reach out and welcome those who are, as Wesley described himself “gay celibate Christians.” Wesley has written why he uses the term “gay celibate Christian” in a recent blog post that you can read here. The church needs to be a place where even single people can feel loved and as a part of the family. The Gospel should bring us together in the same way that growing up together in a family does. We should be willing to lay down our lives for our friends, just as Christ laid down his life for us. This is an issue in my life as well-I so often focus on myself and my needs instead of the needs of the body. I’ll close with this final thought from 2 Corinthians 5:17: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has past away; behold, the new has come.” May we continue to cling close to the cross as we daily repent, die to ourselves and remember to live in Christ, who will give us the strength we need to not give in to temptation.

You can buy Wesley Hill’s book on Amazon, and read his blog here. I’m grateful I had the opportunity to sit down and talk to him and am incredibly grateful for his faithfulness to God’s word as he attempts to follow His will in his life. Thank you, Wes, for being open and transparant this week with your struggles, you are in my prayers.

EFCA Theology Conference – Session 8

What Can Medical Science Tell Us About Sexual Orientation? – Daniel Beals, MD

Medical Definition of Gender:

Male and Female He created them – Genesis 1:27

Fundamental to self-identity: first question when a child is born, it permeates all of our thinking: blue/pink, different goals in life

Who decides?

How do they decide?
Is a medical definition different from other definitions?

How well has Medicine defined sexual identity in the past?

What can we infer from Sexual Identity to Sexual Orientation?

Medical Definition

Good at defining what is wrong, but not what is normal

Specialist have a narrow perspective on definition

Medical knowledge changes

Gender identity as a definition: first used by Dr. John Money, psychological perspective

Ambiguous Genitalia: Dr. Ladd, Boston Children’s Hospital, Surgical Perspective

Disorders of Sexual Differentiation (> 2000): All inclusive definition of anatomically definable genital disorders

Gender Identity Disorder (Gender Dysphoria): All inclusive definition of distress and discomfort one feels between one’s physical sex and one’s gender

Sexual Orientation: Opposite Sex, Same Sex, Not simple with DSD

What Makes Up Gender Identity?

Genetic: X and Y Chromosomes, the SRY gene

Endocrine: testosterone, estrogen

Phenotype: What do things look like? How do things work?

Environment: Parental role models, assumed gender roles, peer pressure

Spiritual?

What do we Know?

No known genetic link to GD or SO

No known endocrine link to GD but known correlation with SO

No known phenotypic link to SO but known secondary correlation with GD

Known correlation between environmental factors and GD and SO

What do we really NOT know?

Do not have a full understanding of genetics

Do not have a full understanding of endocrine influences

Do not have a good long term follow up of attempted therapies

What does Medicine tell us about Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation?

In cases of DSD, it may be very difficult to have a clear answer

Sexual orientation issues can sometimes be explained by endocrine abnormalities

There is no medical explanation to problems with GD

Environment plays an important role in gender, both normal and abnormal

We must be cautious as medical knowledge is far from complete

EFCA Theology Conference Session 7

The Theology of Sexuality Applied: Teaching/Training of Youth in the Home and the Church – Stan Jones

What are our Objectives in Sex Education and in Parenting?

To prevent immorality?

To equip and empower our children to enter adulthood capable of living godly, wholesome lives

Don’t focus too narrowly and negatively, such as focusing on only preventing sexual immorality and the ravages that illicit and irresponsible sex; this goal is too small, too limited, too narrow. Our most important goal in sex education should be to equip and empower our children to enter adulthood capable of living godly, wholesome, and fulfilled lives as Christen men and women, Christian singles, wives and husbands.

Deuteronomy 6:1-9

A Summary of Key Points in the Theology of Sexuality

We are embodied, we are gendered sexual beings, we are relational, we are made in God’s image, we are broken and twisted, we encounter objective reality when we have sex, we are souls under construction

We are souls under construction

Given/Discovered Constructed?

Given: Evolutionary Psychology Reproduction as an evolutionary impulse in the context of a meaningless universe; sex, like life, is meaningless

Atheist Delusions (David Hart)

The Five-Factor Model of Sexual Character:

Needs – Relatedness and Significance

Values

Beliefs

Skills

Supports

Twelve Principles of Christian Sex Education in the Family and Church

Principle 1: Sex education is the shaping of character

Principle 2: Parents are the principle sex educators

Principle 3: First messages are the most important

Principle 4: Seize those “teachable moments;” become an “askable” parent

Principle 5: Stories are powerful teaching tools

Principle 6: Accurate and explicit messages are best

Principle 7: Positive messages are powerful

Principle 8: “Inoculate” your children against negative beliefs

Principle 9: Repetition is critical; repetition is really, really important

Principle 10: Close, positive parent-child relationships are crucial

Principle 11: Sexuality is not everything; keep your perspective

Principle 12: Our God can forgive, heal, and redeem anything

EFCA Theology Conference Session 5

The Witness of Paul: Apostle to the Gentiles – Robert Gagnon

Romans 1:24-27, 1 Corinthians 6:9, 1 Timothy 1:10

Romans 1:24-27: Opposed to some, or all, forms of same-sex intercourse?

Three main arguments made to discount Romans 1:24-27

  1. The exploitation argument: Paul only knew of exploitative forms of homosexual practice in his culture
  2. The orientation argument: Paul had no concept of a homosexual orientation
  3. The misogyny argument: Paul feared homosexual practice would upset male dominance over women

The plot structure of Romans 1:18-32

Stage 1. God’s power and divinity is manifested in creation

Stage 2. Humans suppress the truth and foolishly exchange

Stage 3. God’s wrath is manifested in giving over humans to self-degrading desires

Stage 4. These sinful deeds merit death

Intertextual echoes to Genesis 1:26-27

References to creation and Creator

Rom 1:23 echoes Genesis 1:26

Romans 1:26-27 echoes Genesis 1:27

The point of these echoes – idolatry and same-sex intercourse together constitute a frontal assault on the work of the Creator in nature, those who suppressed the truth about God visible in creation they went on to suppress the truth about themselves visible in nature

The argument from nature

The truth about God is visible and apparent in material creation (1:19-20)

The truth about God’s will for sex is visible in our gendered bodies (26-27)

Pagans do not have to have Genesis or Leviticus to be held accountable for this knowledge, they are “without excuse”

Innate desires are unreliable guides

The mention of lesbian intercourse in Romans 1:26

The mention of mutual gratification in Romans 1:27

The conception and practice of caring homosexual relationships in antiquity

Absolute nature arguments in the Greco-Roman world

Why Paul is not saying, “Don’t judge homosexual practice”

The one whom you obey, that it your Lord. Don’t say with your mouth that you follow God but then continue to serve sin, that is your Lord

What even scholars supportive of homosexual unions admit

1 Corinthians 6:9 (& 1 Tim 1:10) Opposed to some, or all, forms of male-male intercourse?

Meaning of malakoi “soft men”

Meaning of arsenokoitai “Men who lie with a male”

The Bible’s alleged ignorance of sexual orientation

Grego-Roman theories of a congenital basis for some homoerotic attraction

Differences with contemporary theories and beside this point

Did Paul get “nature” confused?

What even scholars supportive of homosexual unions affirm

The Bible’s Alleged Misogynistic Bias against Homoerotic Unions

Ignoring concerns for structural complementarity in ancient texts

Absoluteness of Bible’s prohibition suggest priority of gender over status

Women’s liberation as a stimulus for opposing all male homosexual unions

An absurd corollary

View of women in the Bible fares well relative to its cultural environment