My Child is Gifted and 29 and Living In My Basement

Thanks to a friend’s post on Facebook, I read a very interesting blog titled “My child is gifted. He’s also 29, unemployed, and living in my basement” that is so true it makes me want to cry for the child living at home. Not only is he being unproductive and wasting his life away, but his parents are supporting him in this. Yes-I understand the job market is not the easiest one to get in to right now, but that’s why we’re young and have time to get to the job we want to get to, BUT we have to start somewhere.

The only other piece of advice I would give to people who have graduated college but are still trying to figure out what to do with their lives is to get involved in a local church. I don’t have a problem with people living at home right after college IF they’re working to get a better financial jump start on their lives. Don’t waste the time you have to get involved in people’s lives. Some of the closest friends I have came from getting involved in a small group right after college. Those friends and I are going on a 110 mile bicycle trip through South Dakota’s Black Hills this weekend where we’ll encourage each other, have a ton of fun and enjoy being together. So as I’ve encouraged the people my age before, just do something.

Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!

Psalm 133:1

Exodus International (My Continuing Thoughts, Continued)

Homosexuality seems to be one of the main issues dominating the church and culture today. I have written before about some of my continuing thoughts regarding homosexuality, yet the culture seems to continue to shift, so taking a stance is easy for a day, but then there’s another facet that needs to be dealt with. So many times it feels like we’re shooting at a moving target. In this same moving target, Exodus International, an organization aimed at fixing people with same sex attraction by converting them to straight attractions, has just announced that they will be shutting down their organization. Alan Chambers, the founder of Exodus, just published a blog titled ‘I Am Sorry.‘ Through what I’ve read about the “redemptive therapy” the results were slightly less than what people I think had hoped. I don’t necessarily think it is the best way to deal with same sex attraction.

Shortly after Alan announced that Exodus would be closing their doors, he did an interview that appeared in The Atlantic. In this interview he said a few things that were troubling to me.

Have you changed your theological position on homosexuality?

My belief about sexual expression remains the same. But that really matters little to anyone except for me. It only serves to govern my own life. This isn’t something I’m going to make an issue or a barrier of in my relationship with anyone else.

The bold was the question asked, the regular font was Alan’s response. I’m glad to see that his beliefs about sexual expression remain the same, but it isn’t enough to say that is only governs his own life. The church has a responsibility to protect and preserve what God has commanded in regard to sexuality. And far too many people forget what Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 5:12 in talking about sexual immorality, “For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge?”

Tied in to this is Alan’s response to the question, “Are you in favor of gay marriage?”

I don’t really know what to think, honestly, when it comes to gay marriage. But I also don’t think anybody needs me to have a position. People have a right to live their lives as they see fit. If a friend or family member who is gay or lesbian invites me to be a part of their special day, I’m going to go and be a part of that because I love them. It doesn’t matter if I endorse or condone something–that’s not my right. I have plenty of friends who are gay and lesbian, loved ones in my family who are gay and lesbian. Their family will be my family, their friends will be my friends, and that’s all that matters.

Again, tied in to my above hesitation with this-if someone is a true believer, I don’t think that this is an appropriate response. If someone is in Christ, yet experiences same sex attraction, it does not make them worse than me as the sinner I am, but that does not mean they are then able to act on their desires. Just as me, as a single heterosexual male cannot act on the desires I have in the lust I have in my heart toward women I see. And this gets harder as it gets warmer out! I so long for the day that I will no longer have any lust in my heart, but until that day I will fight hard against my fleshly impulses.

So many people in this discussion point to Christ and his lack of mention about anything in regard to homosexuality. While Jesus may not have mentioned anything about this, he did talk about sexuality in general. In Matthew 19, Jesus is questioned about divorce.

“Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They (the Pharisees) said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

Jesus whole idea of sexuality is rooted in the creation order. Looking back at Genesis, the way God created the world was with a male and a female, who together were the pinnacle of his creation. Yes, because of sin there were and are perversions of sexuality throughout the Bible and today. Many of the patriarchs had multiple wives, and we can read through the Bible to see the problems that occurred because of those multiple wives! God’s intent for mankind has always been for a man and women to become one flesh. Tied in to this, simply because Jesus didn’t address this issue head on, doesn’t mean it’s not an important issue. Far too many people neglect that Jesus was a real person who lived in first century Israel and was raised in a conservative Jewish home. There were many issues that Jesus didn’t address that were assumed. Homosexuality was considered to be a sin in conservative Jewish homes, and as seen above, Jesus had a very high view of sexuality that is rooted in the creation order. Does this mean that Christians need to be hate mongers who continually bash those with same sex attraction? Not at all! We should come alongside our brothers and sisters who do experience these attractions and love them as they live in the same fallen world we do, struggling with their sin and issues, just as we do. Let’s not encourage the pursuit of sin, but the pursuit of holiness in all areas of life-including sexuality.

I hope that Alan Chambers does not throw out Scripture in his attempt to reach those with same sex attraction, but continues to hold to it as he seeks God’s will for his life now as he works to help reconcile the relationships between those who experience same sex attraction and those in the church who are opposed to it. May the church be a place of grace and the Spirit convicting those of the sin in their lives as we continue to conform more into the image of Jesus Christ.

Do I Offend You?

One of the biggest challenges I’ve discovered in being a pastor is how easily I can offend people. Often this is over things that I am trying very hard to not offend people in, yet no matter what, I can’t seem to get it just right. I either pick a song they don’t like, they find out I have my ears pierced, or that I have tattoos, or that I often make jokes at my own expense, or that I play guitar. It seems there is no limit to the things people will find to get offended at. Despite what may seem like an attempt to offend people, I really try hard to not offend them except in one case-when they are offended because I am presenting the Gospel.

I read a very interesting blog today on Spurgeon versus the “Pretty-Boy Preachers” of today. So many pastors are too scared to offend anyone so they work hard to appear like everyone’s best friend. Spurgeon, however, was not worried about being anyone’s friend.

Spurgeon feared no man. Constrained only by the bounds of God’s Word, Spurgeon said what he liked,when he liked, how he liked. The problem with Spurgeon was not that men misunderstood his meaning. The problem was that men understood him completely. Spurgeon’s style was plain, direct, outspoken and urgent. Spurgeon wasn’t trying to be popular. He was trying to bring the ​truth​ to your soul.

Does your pastor do a better job of bringing the truth to your soul, or of being a nice guy? I pray that I never become a “pretty boy preacher” but continue to rely on Christ as my strength and witness. If you are offended, I hope it’s for the sake of the Gospel permeating deeper into your life.

Making the Best Use of Time

I’ve been reading ‘Spurgeon: A New Biography” by Arnold Dallimore the past few weeks and have been amazed by Spurgeon’s life and service. He was reading and understanding the Puritan’s by the age of 10, and took his first church at the age of 17, taking over a large church in London by the time he was 19. It’s difficult to not compare yourself to him as you’re reading it, but he was a uniquely gifted individual. One of the things that’s most amazed me about him is just how much he got done. He preached 10 times a week, edited 1 sermon a week, visited numerous people throughout the week, wrote 500 letters a week, taught Bible classes at a college he started, wrote and edited a magazine and somehow still had time to care for his wife. From reading what I have so far, I’m guessing he didn’t stick to a 4o hour work week. During this reading, a passage from Ephesians 5 was brought to mind that says, “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.” Here we are told to make the best use of the time. How does one go about doing that?

In college, during one of my many periods of self-discovery, I called my dad and asked him if I had wasted my time pouring so much of my time into basketball growing up, instead of reading the Bible and growing in my understanding of God. In a nutshell, he said no, and as I’ve been reading through the life of Spurgeon, I’ve been reflecting on some of the things I waste my time on still today, and if I need to focus more time reading the Bible and theology. Then I came across a little sentence in Spurgeon’s biography that said, “A smooth area had been prepare for lawn bowling-a game Spurgeon greatly enjoyed, especially since it had been the favorite pastime of the Puritans” (137). I decided that if Spurgeon can have his activities outside of theology that he enjoys, so can I! Yes, Christians should focus on learning more about God and growing into the image of His son, but God has also blessed us with so many things that we enjoy doing, and let’s continue to enjoy those things and finding enjoyment in the gifts God has given! So do I need to feel bad if I play some Wii for a bit, or play a game of basketball, or go to a movie with friends? Unless it’s consuming my life and superseding my time with God, I don’t think so! So yes, I am a Christian Hedonist, looking to enjoy God and the creation He has given me to enjoy.

What is the chief end of man? To glorify God and enjoy Him forever.

What One Thing Do You Have?

Kevin DeYoung wrote a blog today titled ‘If All You Have Is A Hammer.’ He finishes the thought by saying, “If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” So many times and of so many people in the church this is true of them. They insist that they are the hammer and they view everything through a specific lens. To whom is Kevin referring with this? He says,

What do I have in mind? No one in particular but lots of things in general. The Christian who blames everything on fundamentalism and relates every story to their upbringing where they had to wear long skirts and watch Lawrence Welk. The feminist who sees the oppression of woman in every tweet. The conservative who can only sound the alarm of cultural declension. The Presbyterian who relates everything to the regulative principle. The church critic who sees every weakness as an expression of Moralistic Therapeutic Deism. The gospel-loving saint who smells legalism in every exhortation against vice and in every celebration of virtue. The philosopher who has concluded that every problem boils down to epistemology or the one and the many or whatever. The academic who thinks everything that ails the church finds its roots in whatever he wrote for his dissertation. The revisionist who is confident that the church is all out of sorts because of Greek thinking, Constantine, or Old Princeton. The wounded soul who can’t see past his own hurts or makes it her life mission to rage against the machine. The liberal who can’t stop talking about tolerance and dialogue. The Sunday school teacher who finds a reason in every class to beat on Charles Finney. The peacemaker who sees every conflict as a third way waiting to happen.

I know many people who have their one issue that they view the world through instead of through the whole of Scripture. From the people who think we can only sing one genre in church, to the people who still think dancing is a sin, to the people who view everything as an end times prophecy. This is one of the many reasons we need to read through the whole of the Bible regularly. We don’t get to pick and choose the things we make important, God does. Now this doesn’t mean that the things Kevin listed aren’t important, they are! BUT if that’s the only thing you have to talk about and you refuse to look at the other things God is doing through other people you are living life incorrectly. I’ve been reflecting on Philippians the past couple weeks, and think we all could take an example from Christ

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.”

Philippians 2:4-7

After Graduation

May is upon us, which means I have started receiving invitations to graduations. It’s hard for me to believe that it’s already been 6 years since I graduated from high school and 2 and a half years since I graduate from college. The adjustment from college to being an “adult” is a very difficult transition, and sometimes it still like I’m still adjusting.

This is a great time to begin planning for life after graduation, and in that idea here’s an article on ‘12 Things to Do After Graduation.’ I’d add to this list reading Kevin DeYoung’s ‘Just Do Something.’ I hate to burst any recent graduate’s bubbles, but unfortunately, you will probably not get your dream job as soon as you graduate. So instead of sitting around waiting for that job, go do something. Find a job somewhere, make some new friends, do some fun trips, invest in your younger siblings and get a head start on your life! I met some fantastic friends right after I graduated that I continue to be incredibly grateful for. We did some crazy things together and had a blast living together.

So what should you do after graduating? Just do something.

Parenting with Grace

My dad sent me a couple articles on grace based parenting this morning, and they are very helpful to read. The first is titled, ‘Parent for kids who will make disciples among the lost rather than become saved and satisfied.’ My favorite line from this article is:

Be cautious of only placing kids in “Christian” environments and isolated Bible studies assuming that this will grow them into quality Christian adults. What if it doesn’t?

I know many people who have been so careful about keeping their children protected, yet when the children were finally able to achieve independence, they had a crisis of the faith and were unable to follow the faith that their parents forced upon them any longer.

The second article is titled, ‘What I am NOT suggesting AND three warnings against parenting toward moralism.‘ Again, it’s worth the time to read the whole thing, but the main points are:

1. I am not suggesting that parenting from grace is letting kids do whatever they want.

2. I am not suggesting that parenting from grace never involves discipline.

3. I am not suggesting that parenting from grace avoids focusing on character development.

Lead the Church and Family

I found a fantastic article today titled, ‘Leading the Church While Leading Your Family.’ I was again reminded how grateful I am for my dad who, although he didn’t always put the family first, he still does his best to put us first. I’m grateful for the example of my dad and pray for the strength to put my family first when I, Lord wiling, have one. One of my favorite things from the article is:

Fourth, little things really do matter. Every night when I would say goodnight to my children, I would usually pray with them and then my last words to them were, “I love you. I will always love you and there is nothing that you can do that will ever make me stop loving you.” (There were times I would have to add, “But don’t push it!”) I did this night after night, year after year, until when I started in they would say with a sigh, “Yeah, I know Dad, and there is nothing that I can do that will ever make you stop loving me.” And I would respond, “And don’t you ever forget it.”

I wanted them to know that what I attempted to do imperfectly was done for them perfectly by God through Christ. I wanted them to know their acceptance and security was not rooted in their grades, awards, achievements, and success as the world defined it. They heard this before solos, piano competitions, spelling bees, basketball and soccer games, final exams, college entrance exams, and every night before bed.

One day I was at a track meet for my youngest daughter. I was screaming loudly as she ran her event when my other daughter called from college in great distress. She was facing a test of monumental importance that would determine the success or failure of her entire degree program, and she felt that she was cracking under the pressure. Four years was resting all on this! I reminded her that she was not sufficient for this, but that her confidence and rest was in Christ. I was eleven hours away. With my fist pumping the air for my youngest who was crossing the finish line in record time, I cried with my other daughter and prayed with her to rest in Christ. Then I said again. “Remember, I love you, I will always love and there is nothing that you can do to ever make me stop loving you.” She knew I would tell her that and just wanted to hear it.

What would your family say about you? For those of you who are single, what about the people in your church and your siblings and parents? Is Christ leading and guiding all your relationships?

Envy in the YRR

I have often identified myself as part of the Young, Restless Reformed movement (YRR, see this book by Collin Hansen). I am grateful for the many people my age who have caught a vision for reformed doctrine, rooted in the Scripture and glorifying to Christ. Yet this movement is not without its downfalls, which a blog written yesterday at Desiring God points out titled, ‘Why Envy Is a Danger for the YRR.’ So many times I have even found myself listening to some people who get accolades and get to speak at the various conferences and think, “I could do that much better than they could.” But that’s not what God has for me now! And I regularly need to remind myself to be faithful in the small things God has given me!

One of the main points I appreciated in the article was,

Where Christ increases, John is content to decrease. But are we? Are we content to decrease, when Christ increases through the ministry of another? Do we even acknowledge that Christ is increasing in the ministry of others? Or do we attribute their success to some other factor: their ambition, their compromises, and in our worst moments, to the efforts of the devil?

May everything we do give glory to God and continue to shake the gates of hell!

Watch Me!

I found a really well done video on how older Christians should help younger Christians in their journey. It uses audio from D.A. Carson as the background. It’s worth watching.